Don’t get stressed by wedding helpers

Avoiding wedding planning stress

This will probably be a short one but I hope a helpful one.

During the conversations and meeting I have with couples planning their weddings I hear  lots of variations on “wedding helpers‘” stressing them out.

Everybody wants to help, everybody has an opinion about YOUR wedding day and it is easy to feel like you are loosing control, become tempted to call the whole thing off or just run off to Gretna Green and get it over and done with.

We all want the memories of our wedding day to be of the best day of our lives and not nearly loosing your best friend or your sanity. Listen – there may be people who are helping to pay for or have some other involvement in your wedding day and they may feel they have more of a say in the decisions, you should listen in detail, fully understand them, consider their point of view then tell them what you want for your wedding.

There is another way, stop and take some deep breaths, remember these people aren’t really trying to take over you day. These are normally the people who genuinely care the most about you and want the very best for you so don’t scream at them or picture them with face down in a wedding cake with your hand firmly holding their head, plan.

Make a list.

Put together a list of all the jobs and things that will need to be sorted and organised for your wedding day (take a look at our Wedding Checklist for ideas and inspiration)

Delegate – Assign you helpful friends and family with specific tasks and give them clear guidelines about what you want.
Important, don’t ask who wants to do what, tell them you have given these jobs lots of thought and have picked the people you feel will do the best at each task, be clear about how much scope they have and what you expect from them. Some tasks will be little teams, some will be left to individuals.

Plan – make a diary of when tasks need to be done by and arrange get togethers with the people responsible for each task, to do, plan or update. It doesn’t have to be done like military operations but a little structure and knowing when things will be done will not only make sure it happens but it will stop misunderstanding and people feeling left or pushed out.
If you are meeting person A to talk about wedding stationary then people B & C  know you’ll be getting together with them on Friday to talk about finding your horse drawn carriage that you will be arriving at the church in and persons D & E on Monday to talk about your bridal shower in Paris.

Talk to your vendors – There’s a good chance that any one of your vendors has already been involved in more weddings that you will every know about and will have answers to your questions and concerns, if not there’s a very good chance they will know somebody who can help. Talk to them.

Have time off – make sure you have a few ‘none wedding nights’ it’s so easy especially in the last 6 months leading up to the wedding to have your whole life consumed by it have nights with the girls where the wedding is off limits and just be you.

Make it fun – This is the most important and sometimes the easiest thing to forget. A wedding is a joyful celebration and public declaration of your love for each other, The most important aspect of the day is that you and your fiancé are there on the day and get married, second is that you share the day with the people you both care about. Way WAY down the list is worrying about if the shades of your bouquet match chair ribbons you have picked along with all the other minor details, “it’s all small stuff”


 

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I have been putting together bits of useful wedding related stuff and will be adding more soon. Have a looking the right hand column for some more.

6 Replies to “Don’t get stressed by wedding helpers”

  1. Wedding Fight: Your Bridesmaid Is Slacking

    Ugh, the bridesmaid dresses have been selected, but one bridesmaid has yet to send in her measurements and it’s holding up the whole order. Before you consider firing her, assume she has a really good reason for the delay, says Sharon Naylor, author of Bridesmaid on a Budget. Express concern when you write, or call her to follow up and gently remind her to send her information to either you or the store. Or, if you think she may want to quit your bridal party, ask her if she wants out. She may not know how to raise the topic with you.

    Wedding Fight: Your Groom Isn’t Helping With Anything

    Sure, picking out flowers and invitations may not be on your man’s weekend fun list, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be involved in other ways. Grooms should be open about which aspects of the wedding they want to be part of, says Harmony Walton, owner of The Bridal Bar, an event planning and resource company. If he doesn’t know, explain to him what his options are regarding food, photography, music, etc. And remember: Don’t make the wedding the only interest you share. Plan non-wedding-related activities and schedule a date night where wedding talk is off limits.

    Wedding Fight: Your Parents Want to Take Over Your Day

    Parents who are involved in paying for part of your big day often forget that it’s still about you. If this happens, talk to your parents, and his, about the type of wedding you want and how much you think it will cost. Then include your parents in the planning process so they don’t feel like they’re just an ATM. Narrow your choices of vendors and ask your parents to meet with them to help you make a final decision.

    Wedding Fight: Your Taste Clashes With Your Parents’

    When your idea of the ideal invitation doesn’t exactly match up to your parents’ more traditional style, compromise by including a mix of contemporary and traditional details. Choose a white or ivory paper with navy, brown, plum or gray ink to add some color, says Melinda Morris, owner of Lion in the Sun paperie. Also opt for an easy-to-read, clean font, and consider letterpress invitations, which can look formal but are textured and contemporary.

    Wedding Fight: His Parents Want to Be Listed on the Invitation—Even Though They’re Not Paying for the Wedding

    Your parents are paying for the wedding, but his parents are insisting their names appear on the wedding invitation too. Eeep—is there a proper way to handle this one? Etiquette dictates that the hosts’ names appear at the top of the wedding invitation, says Morris, so if the groom’s parents are not paying, their names can be listed under the groom’s as “Son of Mr. & Mrs. John Smith.” If you haven’t hit this snag, plan ahead by asking both sets of parents before finalizing your design if they have a preference where their names appear.

    Wedding Fight: Your Groom Wants a Blowout Bachelor Party

    Your guy swears he hasn’t done a keg stand since his freshman year of college, but you’re worried the old habit (or worse) might resurface during a wild bachelor-party weekend. While you shouldn’t demand that he change his plans, don’t be afraid to tell him your concerns about an over-the-top bros’ night out. Two more pieces of advice: First, make sure the bachelor party is held at least two weeks before the wedding date so he and his groomsmen have time to recover. Next, plan your bachelorette party for the same night as his so you’re not sitting at home wondering what he’s up to.

    Wedding Fight: You Can’t Agree on Your Honeymoon Plans

    At last, the best part: booking your honeymoon. You’re set on white sands and clear blue waters…until you find out he’s more gung-ho about climbing Kilimanjaro. Instead of one of you having a less-than-ideal trip, find a location that will allow you both to enjoy the type of honeymoon you each want. Segment the trip into one part relaxation, one part adventure, or consider splitting it up into two destinations.

    Wedding Fight: Your Parents Want to Invite Their Friends and Your Extended Family, but You Don’t

    Aunt and uncle who? If you and your fiancé want a small wedding, but your parents have other plans for the guest list, telling them to ax the people you barely know won’t be fun. If you’ve picked a location with a limited capacity, explain to your parents that it’s physically impossible to have all their added guests. Instead, suggest that your parents host a small postwedding reception after you’ve returned from your honeymoon to which they can invite anyone they want to celebrate your marriage.

    Wedding Fight: You and Your Parents Don’t Agree on Entertainment

    You’re set on making an iPod playlist for your reception, but your parents are insisting on live music. Try to compromise by hiring a band to play during dinner and for part of the reception, and then use your iPod for when the musicians are on a break and the last 90 minutes of the wedding, says Maria Cooke, event designer at Ritzy Bee Events. If that still won’t fly, check out wedding bands that play contemporary music and talk to recently married couples who’ve hired them to learn if guests of every generation enjoyed the party.

    Wedding Fight: Your Groom Is Adding Totally Impractical Items to the Wedding Registry

    A kiwi peeler and avocado scoop may sound awesome to your fiancé when you’re putting together your registry, but you know there’s no chance they’ll even make it out of the packaging once you get ‘em home. Yikes! Try putting the groom in charge of specific areas of the home, such as the bar, den or backyard, and let him select all the related items for your registry, says Chris Easter, co-founder of The Man Registry. Another option: Have him create a supplemental registry at a second store or online retailer for the stuff he really wants.

  2. Styling your wedding decor is all about making the most of your venue and adding those extra special touches. From ceremony to wedding breakfast and everything in-between, I’m your extra pair of hands to design and style your perfect celebration. It’s the details that really make a wedding unique but all these little jobs can add up.

    So whether you’re after someone to kick start your creativity, have everything picked out and planned but need the extra pair of hands on the day, or don’t know where to start and need somebody to guide you through the styling journey, The Little Wedding Helper is here. From Inspiration Sessions and venue visits to mood boards and supplier meetings, you’ll have an award winning stylist who is as passionate and excited about your celebration as you are.

  3. WEDDING HELPERS:
    A QUICK CHECKLIST
    Have friends/relatives who want to help? Here are some ways they can help make your wedding day go smoothly!
     Decorating Team to construct and put up decorations at the wedding/reception site (note that decorating for weddings at
    Heartland happens during the rehearsal and during the first 30 min or so that the building is open on the wedding day)
     Bride’s/Groom’s Personal Attendants to help with the needs of the bride/groom on the day of the ceremony
     Lunch/Snack Helper (if the wedding will be near a mealtime) to bring in food for the wedding party to snack on during the
    30 min just prior to the ceremony (we recommend no food or drink that’d stain if spilled on someone’s tux or dress)
     Corsage/Boutonniere Attendant(s) to help distribute and pin on corsages and boutonnieres during the 30 min before
    photos are taken (if photos will be before the ceremony) or the 30 min before the wedding (if all photos will be taken after the
    ceremony)
     Family Photo Helper(s) to help the photographer gather the right people for family photos (especially helpful if you have
    large families and/or you’ll do lots of different family group photos, or if you want to get photos done especially quickly!)
     Greeters / Host & Hostess to stand near the entrance(s) and greet/direct wedding guests as they arrive (during the 30
    min before the wedding)
     Guest Book Attendant to transport the guest book (and pen/etc) to the wedding site and greet/instruct guests at the guest
    book during the 30 min before the wedding
     Gift Table Attendant(s) to monitor the gift table during the 30 min before the ceremony and make sure cards are securely
    taped to gifts (so that cards don’t get separated from gifts, leaving the couple to wonder who a gift is from!)
     Program Attendant(s) to distribute your ceremony programs to guests as they arrive (during the 30 min prior to the
    ceremony)
     Ushers to help seat guests as they arrive (during the 30 min prior to the ceremony) and possibly also help seat family
    members during the seating of family at the beginning of the ceremony, if that is your preference
     Floral Transport to help get floral arrangements/décor items to the reception site (or wherever they need to go next) after
    the ceremony – it helps to have someone with a van do this, if you will have large items to move
     Guest Book Transport to transport the guest book (and pen/etc) to the reception (or wherever they should end up) – this
    job can be done by your Guest Book Attendant, too
     Gift Transport to transport gifts from wedding/reception site to wherever they should end up – this job can be done by your
    Gift Table Attendants, too (it helps to have someone with a van for this)
     Maps/Directions Attendant(s) to distribute maps/directions to guests as they head for the reception (if the reception will
    be at a different site than the wedding)
     Dressing Room Clean Up after the wedding party leaves, to double check the rooms where the wedding party changed
    clothes and remove any personal items/etc that were left behind by the wedding party
     Rental Returns to get rented items (tuxes, décor items, etc) back to the rental sites on time
     Sendoff Coordinator(s) to distribute bubbles/etc and instruct guests (if needed) on the sendoff of the bride and groom

  4. The Bridezilla Diaries: Inside The Mind of a Stressed-Out Bride
    Picking out a wedding dress, making seating charts, coordinating wedding vendors, and more. It’s no wonder so many brides have a meltdown at some point during the wedding-planning process. Is there any way to avoid it? One real bride tells her story.

    I am not by nature a screamer. Nor am I a diva, or a drama queen, or a princess.

    Yes, I get my hair colored every few months in a futile attempt to recapture those awesome sunny blond streaks from childhood; yes, I’ve been known to enjoy a mani-pedi from time to time—but honestly, I’m pretty low-maintenance. Half the time I walk around with dog hair on my shirt; empty water bottles roll freely in the back of my car; lipstick loves to melt in my purse. And I’m okay with that. It’s life, right? Life is messy.

    Or so I always thought, until about a week before my wedding, at which point I turned into a demon from hell. There I was: a sleep-deprived young woman who hadn’t eaten in three weeks, standing in her parents’ kitchen with an enormous three-ring binder in her hands, screaming at her half-asleep 20-year-old college-student sister for not having gotten up before dawn to write out place cards.

    “Dude, you need to relax,” Suzanne said.

    “Relax?” I snapped, feeling my jaw begin to tremble, the blood rushing to my face. “Relax? Actually, what I need right now is a maid of honor who gives a shit about me and my wedding.”

    See more: Bridal Party Gifts Under $100

    A shouting match ensued. She was a lazy, self-involved child, according to me. I was a psychotic, self-involved bitch, according to her. Doors were slammed. Tears were shed. I remember thinking I was surrounded by the most selfish people in the world. I remember thinking nobody understood me. And then, about an hour later, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought: Oh, my God, I’m that girl. I have become the Bride from Hell.

    We all know her. Movies have been made about her. Reality shows have trained their cameras on her mascara-streaked face and been rewarded with stellar ratings. And it would all be very funny, if it were just Kim Kardashian and the big-haired Jersey drama queens who went bananas over their weddings. But the truth is, most brides find themselves having a meltdown at some point in the planning process. Getting married may be one of the most exciting events of our lives, but studies show that it’s also one of the most stressful.

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